Last night I had a dream. It was bizarre. Some women who have been sober for quite some time organized a weekend retreat for women recently sober. I was invited to attend as a woman with a little time up to help mentor these new women. The retreat was being held at a luxury Vineyard ~ I kept saying to myself “What were they thinking? This is ridiculous!” All the women were “tasting” wine and spitting it out ~ some were drinking with seeming immunity. It was terrible. I kept refusing but on the last day I had one glass of Rosé. Seriously who relapses on ONE glass of Rosè?? I don’t think I even drank pink wine when I drank. In my dream I was devastated. 10 years sobriety gone with one glass of pink freakin’ wine. Ugh!
Here’s the thing, all day I’ve been off center. Not quite myself. I want to yell and cry! I want to throw myself onto the floor and have a tanty! It’s not fair! It’s not fair that I relapsed in a dream on pink wine. It’s not fair that I can’t get a job… oops sorry I’m not sure where that came from. but since I’ve digressed. Let me say it’s NOT FAIR!
Now back to the dream… what was the message? Was it an ominous warning or a gentle reminder?
- Don’t get too complacent.
- Don’t put myself in risky situations at the moment (when I’m full of self pity)
- Listen to my instincts
- No matter how bad I think it is a drink will never be the solution
- Try and stay connected to a Higher Power
- Have a little more Faith
- Be a little less self centred
- Focus on the solution
All great suggestions but I still can’t shift this feeling. So I’m not going to try. I’m going to LET GO and feel it. I’m going to cry and yell and throw myself on the floor. I’m sick of being a grown up. Thank goodness I’ve learned to live one day at a time. I’m off to bed now and when I wake up it will be a new day.
Today I’m grateful that this day is almost over
today I will recover 